#6: on overthinking hijacking your dreams

I caught myself doing it again this week.

I was supposed to be working on a project, but instead found myself staring at the walls, lost in an elaborate daydream about how perfect things would be if a specific situation worked out. I had scripted the entire conversation, planned my reaction, even imagined what I'd wear.

An hour later, I hadn't performed a single task and had wasted time daydreaming. Sound familiar?

The seductive pull of outcomes

You overthink the things you want to work out in your favor.

We all do it. We get hyperfixated on that one hypothetical situation where everything aligns perfectly. Maybe it's:

• Rehearsing a conversation with your crush that ends with them confessing they've always felt the same way

• Imagining the perfect job interview where they're so impressed they offer you more than you asked for

• Picturing yourself in that dream city, knowing exactly which coffee shop will become "your spot"

• Visualizing the moment when your work finally gets recognized

These mental movies feel good in the moment. They give us a taste of the future we want. Sometimes they even feel productive, like we're "preparing" for success.

But there's a darker side to this kind of overthinking.

The hidden cost of mental rehearsal

The problem isn't the daydreaming itself. The problem is when overthinking replaces action.

When we spend hours crafting perfect scenarios in our minds, we're often:

1. Setting impossible expectations - Reality rarely unfolds as perfectly as our imagination

2. Draining our mental energy - The same focus could be directed toward actual progress

3. Feeding our anxiety - The more we rehearse, the more pressure we put on real-life situations

4. Avoiding the uncomfortable work - Thinking about success is easier than risking failure

I've noticed that the things I overthink most are the things I'm most afraid to take action on. It's easier to live in a hypothetical future than to face the messy, uncertain present.

The action-overthinking equation

Here's something I've been thinking about lately: the relationship between action and overthinking seems to follow a simple formula.

The more action we take, the less we overthink.
The less action we take, the more we overthink.

When I'm actively working toward something, sending emails, having real conversations, creating actual work, I spend far less time in hypothetical la-la land. The reality, with all its imperfections and surprises, becomes more interesting than the fantasy.

The writer and artist Austin Kleon put it perfectly: "The best way to get over the fear of being judged is to submit yourself to judgement."

Translating this to real life

So how do we break the overthinking cycle and shift toward meaningful action?

Set a mental movie time limit.

Give yourself 5-10 minutes to indulge in the perfect scenario, then ask: "What's one small action I could take right now toward this goal?"

Notice the fear.

When you catch yourself overthinking, ask what you're avoiding. The answer often points to exactly what you should be doing.

Create before you consume.

Start your day by taking action on your own goals before filling your mind with others' content and ideas.

Embrace the "shitty first draft".

Remember that real progress is messy. Your first attempt won't be perfect.

Track action, not outcomes.

At the end of each day, don't ask "Did I get what I wanted?" Ask "Did I take meaningful steps toward what matters?"

What if it’s out of your control

Of course, some outcomes genuinely are beyond our control. No amount of perfect action guarantees that you’ll get someone you love, that we'll get a specific job, or that our work will be recognized in the way we hope.

This is where overthinking becomes particularly toxic. When we obsess over outcomes we can't control, we're setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment.

For these situations, try to redirect your energy toward:

1. Focusing on what you can control (actions, responses, growth)

2. Expanding your definition of success beyond one specific outcome

3. Building resilience through multiple paths and possibilities

4. Finding meaning in the process, not just the result

As the Stoics might say: Control what you can, accept what you can't, and know the difference.

The path forward isn't perfect certainty or endless preparation.

It's imperfect action in the general direction of what matters to you.